EARNESTLY CONTENDING FOR THE
FAITH:
THE MOST IMPORTANT KEY IN REARING
CHILDREN TO LIVE FOR THE LORD PART 2
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4 That they may teach the young
women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their
children, 5 To be discreet, chaste,
keepers at
home, good,
obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not
blasphemed. (Titus 2:4-5).
Mothers, if you have young children at home and
you work outside the home, then you and your husband are
blaspheming the Word Of God. |
THE LORD JESUS CHRIST IS
GOD MANIFEST IN THE FLESH.
THAT IS WHY HE IS GOD |
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to
die today that you would not go to hell?
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Train up a child in the way he
should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it
(Proverbs 22:6). Foolishness is bound in the heart of a
child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him
(Proverbs 22:15). He that spareth his rod hateth his son:
but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes (Proverbs
13:24). Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy
soul spare for his crying (Proverbs 19:18). Withhold not
correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the
rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and
shalt deliver his soul from hell. (Proverbs 23:13-14) The
rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself
bringeth his mother to shame. (Proverbs 29:15) |
The following article is posted in its entirety to
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express written consent of Pastor Terry L. Coomer. For the
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For the Love of the Family Ministries TM
Missionaries to America's Forgotten Mission Field, the
Family
The Most Important Key In Rearing Children To Live For The
Lord Part 2
Dr. Terry L. Coomer, Pastor
Ministry of Hope Baptist Church
139 Shadow Oaks Drive
Sherwood, AR 72120
501-819-0446
TLCOOMER@juno.com
These messages may be copied in
their entirety to help Christians in the rearing of their
children for God and strengthening their family. They are not to
be changed in any manner or to be sold. This header must be on
any copy. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact
the author.
The Most
Important Key In Rearing Children to Live
For the Lord
Part Two
Malachi 4:5-6, “Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet
before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the LORD: And
he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the
heart of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite
the earth with a curse.”
I said last time, Kim and I are at the time of our life where we
are looking back to see what we did wrong and right in the
rearing of our children. Of course, over time, dealing with
people, and the study of God’s Word we keep learning more. What
could we have done differently? Where did we make mistakes? What
good things did we accomplish? Last time we said the most
important issue in child rearing is to get the heart of the
child and keep the heart of the child, Proverbs 23:26.
Unfortunately, many Christian parents have never heard this or
do not understand the importance of it.
Over the more than 30 years I have been a Christian, I have seen
more fear in the lives of parents on this subject of child
rearing than anything else. I have also seen more confusion,
pain, and disaster relating to this than anything else. The
devil has done a good job here because most Christian parents
are utterly confused on the issue. Many Pastors are also
confused on the issue. More children grow up in Christian homes
and do not serve the Lord than do grow up and serve the Lord. In
fact, the statistics are staggering.
Malachi 4:6, “And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the
children, and the heart of the children to their fathers…”
Rebellion in a child is not normal, it is Satanic. Ephesians
6:6, “…doing the will of God from the heart”. If you do not have
the child’s heart, you have the potential for rebellion and
terrible horrible things occur when that happens. The one who
has the child’s heart will eventually have his life and his
loyalty.
I hope you noticed the matter in Malachi 4:6 about turning the
heart of the children to their fathers. Whoever has the heart
will eventually have the child. Folks, there are four things
about the heart that are very important:
1. Pray for and ask God daily to give you your child’s
heart.
2. The heart can be lost.
3. The heart can be hardened.
4. The heart can be stolen.
Items two through four is the pattern a child goes through to
rebellion and it happens in that order. Children will not give
their hearts to their parents (remember your goal in life as a
parent is to get and keep their heart) until they see their
parents as just, Luke 1:17, “to the wisdom of the just”. The
number one characteristic of wisdom is justice. When parents are
seen by children as being just, then the children feel free to
trust their hearts to the parents. Then “the disobedient
(children Luke 1:17) becomes open to the wisdom of the just”.
Young people are not ready for God to work in their hearts until
their hearts are turned from themselves to their parents. When a
teenager gets right with his parents, he finds it easy to get
right with God at the same time. His biggest problem in
surrendering to the Lord is surrendering his heart, will, and
emotions to his parents.
Listen carefully; a parent who is led by his or her emotions
will lead their children into sin every time. What I am talking
about here is illustrated in the Bible with the story of Absalom
and David in II Samuel 13-15. Because David lost Absalom’s
heart, his heart was hardened and he rebelled against his
father. David surely did not understand the damage he had done
to the heart of his child. In fact, he ignored him. Absalom in
turn stole the hearts of the people and turned their hearts
against David. (II Samuel 15:1-6). What a story of pain, agony,
and disaster. The same type of story is played out in many
Christian homes with some variation. Folks, remember the heart
of every spiritual problem is a matter of the heart.
One of the most important statements I can make is this: The key
ingredient is to get the child’s heart early and to keep their
heart. Don’t lose their heart and if you do, find out where you
lost it quickly. Go get it back quickly no matter what it takes
to get it. A little later in this series I will talk about
turning around a rebellious child and how you get the child’s
heart back. It can be done if a parent understands the matter of
the heart and is willing to pay the price to do it.
Hebrews 3:10, …”they do always err in their heart”. The reason
that most children who grow up in Christian homes do not live
for God is the parents do not have the heart of the child or
they had the heart of the child and they lost the heart of the
child.
When we see defiance and rebellion we really do not understand
what is going on underneath everything. You have lost the heart
of the child at this point! I can hear some one now say, why did
I lose it? We will cover that a little later.
Why is it such a big deal about the heart? The heart controls
everything about the life. It is much like the physical heart
which is the most vital organ of the body. You could lose your
leg or arm and live…but that is not true of the heart!
Folks, the word heart (spiritual) occurs about 900 times in the
Word of God. If you lose their heart, you lose their respect. If
you have their heart, you can teach them and protect them.
Remember, whoever has the heart eventually has the child.
I have seen many hearts of young people get stolen and the
parents do not even know it! Years ago, a young lady in our
church was going into her senior year of high school. Her mother
called me one afternoon and asked if she and Mary could come by
and see me. We set up a time, and they came by. Mary and her
mother were in tears, as mom explained she and her husband were
going away for a week on an anniversary cruise. She stated that
she and her husband had had several conversations with Mary
about staying home alone. Mom stated, “We want Mary to stay with
you and Kim for the week, because we cannot trust her”. At this
point Mary and mom were bawling. I found myself on the horns of
a dilemma. Mary had no interest in staying with us for a week.
She also had no interest in obeying her father and mother. You
understand at this point mom and dad had lost the heart of their
daughter and did not know it. Of course, mom and dad were
concerned because of the behavior of their daughter who grew up
in church and had gone to a Christian school all her life.
I asked mom why she did not trust her daughter, and her answer
was revealing, “Because I do not trust what I have seen with her
and her boy friend”. Mary had had a boy friend since she was a
freshman in high school. Of course, this was acceptable behavior
with the parents and kids in the Christian school she attended
even though her Pastor had spoke and showed from the Bible many
times that girls and boys do not need to be involved at this
point because they will give their heart to each other. When
that happens the parents are in trouble and the child is in
spiritual trouble.
Mary stayed with us that week. It was a difficult week and it
sought to only push her farther away from the heart of her
parents to the heart of her boy friend. Her heart was now
hardened and therefore it was stolen by her boy friend. This was
a young man who grew up in a Christian home and in a Christian
school. He told her, “She did not have to listen to her parents
or her Pastor”. REBELLION! Mom and Dad still did not see it when
I explained what the problem was. They wanted their daughter to
be socially acceptable. They lost their daughter. Disaster
happened when mom and dad encouraged her to go to a Bible
College when she graduated. She wanted to be with her boy friend
and he had her heart. The sadness is many Christian parent’s
think it is cute when in fact it goes against the matter of the
heart. The pain this family suffered was immense. Of course, the
parents blew me off when I told them when she was in 9th grade
that this was a recipe for a disaster. Many times they heard me
preach about this and felt it did not apply to them and their
home. They some how thought they were different. They did not
understand that the heart is a very delicate matter.
Folks, that is the reason why the world all around us is working
to tie the hearts of children with a whole bunch of things, I
John 2:15. The world is continually trying to tie the heart of
the child to the babysitter, friends, television, school
teachers, cartoon figures, sports stars, and rock stars.
Satan also uses the boy friend-girl friend craze to steal the
hearts of the children from the parent’s permanently.
The sadness in our day is how utterly blinded parents are. They
encourage their 13, 14, 15, and 16 year olds to look for boy
friends and girl friends. We must teach them that the heart is a
delicate matter and they are to give their hearts and emotions
to only one person in life. It is no wonder the Christian home
is in such a mess.
I have had many parents ask me, “When the disaster took place
what happened?” At the time if you explained it to them they
would get angry at you and it is your fault. Or even if you
explain it to them when the disaster hits they still are mad and
angry and unwilling to see the need and what they must do to get
their child’s heart back. They believe they have done what they
could do. They are angry because their heart is broken over the
rebellion of their child, the behavior of their child, and the
lack of spiritual interest of their child.
The heart can be lost. Many parents violate the only negative
command in the Bible in respect to their children and they lose
the child’s heart. Folks, I guarantee you if you violate this
command you will lose the child’s heart. That command is in
Ephesians 6:4, “And ye fathers, provoke not your children to
wrath…” The word wrath means a strong desire to avenge. Folks,
the biggest way the parents lose the heart of their child is
through the ungodly anger of one or both of the parents. The
companion verse to this is in Colossians 3:21. Ungodly anger
discourages a child. Some other companion verses are: Ephesians
4:26-27, James 1:20, Psalm 37:8, Galatians 5:19-20 and Ephesians
4:31 which says, “Let ALL wrath and anger….be put away from
you…”
So many parents display anger in the home. The child may do what
you say because they are afraid of you, but their heart is
moving away from you. Ephesians 4:32 says, “And be ye kind one
to another, tenderhearted….” Does your child see you as kind and
tenderhearted or as an angry person?
There is no place for ungodly anger in the Christian life
especially with your wife, husband, and your children! We are to
be controlled by the Spirit, Ephesians 5:18. Being angry in an
ungodly manner is not being controlled by the Spirit! There is
no justification for it.
I do not know how many times I have heard a teen that is
rebellious tell me, but dad comes home and he is just mad all
the time.
We have many missionaries come to our church. Many of the
missionaries who come to our church you do not meet until they
arrive. I watch how they interact with their children, wife, and
husband. I have seen some angry stuff and rebellious children.
It is a recipe for disaster in the ministry and in their home.
One of the first things I ask a parent who is having difficulty
with their child is, “Do you see yourself with an angry spirit?”
The answer will tell you immediately. I have had people who got
mad trying to tell me they did not have an angry spirit!
On one occasion, I had been counseling a couple for marital
problems and the children were in rebellion. I stopped by the
home unannounced and heard yelling and screaming. I knocked on
the door and one of the children let me in with rolling eyes.
The father was on the phone with the mother and both were
yelling. The husband handed me the phone and said, “See what I
have to deal with?” I listened for a minute and heard some awful
language and screaming and then I said the mother’s name. She
immediately stopped and her whole disposition changed. Later in
one of the counseling sessions with the 12 year old boy, he
said, “Pastor, I wish they would just stop yelling at each other
and us. They are always mad!” This couple is now divorced,
involved in immoral relationships, drugs, and their children
have been immoral and involved in drugs. They would not listen
when they were told anger was destroying their marriage and
their children.
You may say I do not get angry that often. Let me ask you this,
if you lived by a volcano how would you feel about it if it only
erupted every once in awhile? There is no place at all at any
time for ungodly anger in your home or the Christian life,
Ephesians 4:31. The heart is much too delicate to survive the
catastrophic situation of the anger of the parents. I have found
that anger is a sin that many Christians justify, and do not
understand the damage they are doing spiritually and in every
other way to their wife, husband, and children.
In the next article we will see what anger does, how the Bible
describes it, and how to deal with it. In conclusion, I want to
give you seven things I have found that cause parents to lose
the heart of the child. Remember, that anger is by far the most
often problem and is a variable in some of these:
1. Criticizing unjustly.
2. Speaking to them harshly.
3. Teasing excessively.
4. Too high of expectations.
5. Insulting them publicly.
6. Not communicating
7. Not spending time with them.
Remember folks, the heart issue happens in the order I pointed
out.
1. Heart can be lost.
2. Heart can be hardened.
3. The heart is then available to be stolen.
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