EARNESTLY CONTENDING FOR THE
FAITH:
PROPER DISCIPLINE OF THE CHILD PART 1
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4 That they may teach the young
women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their
children, 5 To be discreet, chaste,
keepers at
home, good,
obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not
blasphemed. (Titus 2:4-5).
Mothers, if you have young children at home and
you work outside the home, then you and your husband are
blaspheming the Word Of God. |
THE LORD JESUS CHRIST IS
GOD MANIFEST IN THE FLESH.
THAT IS WHY HE IS GOD |
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to
die today that you would not go to hell?
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Train up a child in the way he
should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it
(Proverbs 22:6). Foolishness is bound in the heart of a
child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him
(Proverbs 22:15). He that spareth his rod hateth his son:
but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes (Proverbs
13:24). Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy
soul spare for his crying (Proverbs 19:18). Withhold not
correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the
rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and
shalt deliver his soul from hell. (Proverbs 23:13-14) The
rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself
bringeth his mother to shame. (Proverbs 29:15) |
For the Love of the Family Ministries TM
Missionaries to America’s Forgotten Mission
Field, the Family
For the Love of the Family Series
Pastor Terry L. Coomer
Ministry of Elwood Bible Baptist Church
504 North 12th Street, P.O. Box 535 Elwood, IN
46036
(765) 552-1973
(766)
TLCOOMER@juno.com
These messages
may be copied in their entirety to help Christians in the
task of rearing their children for God. They are not to be
changed in any manner or to be sold. This header must be on
any copy. If you have any questions, please feel free to
contact the author.
Proper
Discipline of the Child
Proverbs
23:13-14 "Withhold not correction from the child: for if
thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt
beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from
hell."
We now move into
a different section from where we have been, as we now move
into the proper discipline of the child. I firmly believe
that both parts are important, but I believe the first part
is extremely important. The first part was our spiritual
relationship and conveying our spiritual relationship with
God to our children. Part of the training is the correct,
godly, and Biblical discipline of our children.
The book of
Proverbs mentions proper discipline five times. It is
interesting to me that the book of Proverbs mentions
communicating our spiritual relationship to the child
twenty-five times. Many Christians have different ideas
about the discipline of our children. We live in a very
undisciplined society. The lack of discipline and spiritual
communication is sending our society into major problems.
One of the areas
that this lack of discipline shows up in today in our
society is in the peer influence of our children and
allowing our children to make their own choices. What is
happening today is the culture we are living in is rearing
our children instead of the parents. The culture and peer
influence rears our children because in many instances the
parents are not there to rear the children. Listen to me
very carefully, if you desire to rear spiritual children,
you have to make a decision in your life to be the main
influence in your children's lives. Three of the most
corrupting influences upon our children today are
television, music, and friends. Do not be deceived folks;
the devil wants our culture to rear our children. Do not
underestimate the power of these influences. Many children
will listen to their peers before they will listen to you,
if you allow it to be that way. Again, you must make a
decision to be the most important influence in the
children's lives.
The Lord has
blessed us with two wonderful daughters, Teresa and
Jennifer, who have been trained by their parents to have a
heart to serve God. They have been taught by their parents
not to allow the influence of their peers to lead them into
sin. Both daughters are preparing to serve the Lord on the
mission field. At the time of this writing one has graduated
from Bible College and married a godly young man. The other
is in her second year of Bible College and will spend her
summer on a foreign field because of her desire to see
others come to know Christ as Savior. They are not
interested in what the world has to offer. Why? Because they
were taught and trained from the time they were small
children that what God wants is more important than friends
and peer influences.
My wife and I
made a decision as young parents that my wife would stay
home and become the most important influence in their lives
Titus 2:3-5. Their mother home schooled both of our
daughters. They were not academic misfits. In fact, one of
the girls scored in the top three percent in the country on
the English portion of the ACT test. We heard all the talk
about lack of socialization. Folks, those of you who know
our daughters know they are not social morons. We made sure
their socialization was godly. We made sure to guard their
training and influences. Why did we do that? We know that
the Bible tells us that Satan wants to destroy their lives.
I Peter 5:8-9 "Be sober be vigilant because your adversary
the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about seeking whom he
may devour: Whom resist steadfast in the faith, knowing that
the same afflictions are accomplished in your brethren that
are in the world." As a Christian parent, you better
understand these verses. I can hear someone say, "I bet
their home was like a prison, they never had any fun." In
fact, quite the contrary is true. Our children had a great
time growing up. They learned to have the right kind of fun
from their parents. Their mother taught them to enjoy proper
music, not music that appeals to the flesh. She taught them
to be godly young ladies as the Bible instructs in Titus 2.
She taught them to dress, as a godly young lady should. She
taught them to cook, and we both taught them to be hard
workers. They were taught to do their best for God in
whatever they did I Corinthians 10:31. My wife Kim, was a
huge godly influence in their life because she committed
herself to be there and to be the most important influence
in their lives. Kim worked very hard and prayed much for
their lives. Parents today start out by allowing their
children to make their own decisions. I have observed
parents interacting with their children like this: The
parent lays out the small child's clothes and the child
says, "I do not want to wear that!" The parent says, "Honey,
I am sorry I did not know you did not want to wear that. You
do not have to wear that." The child and parent continue
this dialogue through out the child's life in almost every
instance. Most parents do this today. What happens, the
child grows up making their own choices, and when he gets to
be eighteen he will not listen to a word you say because you
have taught him from the time he was a little child not to
listen to you. You have now opened his life up to be reared
by his culture. His friends will be the most important
influence in his life fueled by television and music of the
culture. He will become a spiritually undisciplined person
in life who is lead by his emotions rather than by the Word
of God. Unfortunately, most Christians fall into this
category today and do not have a clue why their children
have turned out the way they have. YOU MUST DETERMINE TO BE
THE MOST IMPORTANT INFLUENCE IN THEIR LIVES. However, you
have to be a spiritual person to see the truth in what I am
talking about here. I can again hear someone say, "I bet his
girls do not have any friends." On the contrary they both
became spiritual leaders in Bible College and have
like-minded friends who desire to live for God. You see
folks; we trained them to have a spiritual disciplined life
as a child and protected their influences for God as small
children and teens so that as they matured they would be
able to make godly choices. Why, because they saw their
parents make godly, disciplined choices. A fifteen-year old
is not mature enough to make choices on a life's mate and
they do not need to be put in situations where they might be
tempted to do so. Parents do not be stupid. We very seldom
ever allowed our children to spend a night away from home
unless we really knew the spiritual life of the family they
were with. We certainly would not allow them to spend the
night with the unsaved or carnal Christians, which included
extended members of our family. We also told our daughters
as they were growing up that there was no reason for them to
consider dating. They had plenty of time when they went to
college to start considering young men. They were also
instructed as to what they needed to be looking for in young
men who could possibly be their life's mate. Teenagers are
not mature enough to make decisions that are as serious as
their life mate is. They also should not be put in
relationships and situations that would encourage them to be
involved in the lusts of the flesh at an age where they need
to concentrate on their relationship with God not the
opposite sex. Most parents make serious errors here and
believe their children will lack in social skills if they
are not allowed to date. In fact, what happens is the
parents are allowing the culture to rear their children and
heart break can come out of social peer pressure Galatians
6:7.
We were not
going to be bullied or begged to make stupid spiritual
decisions in light of I Peter 5:8-9. Again, we are to live a
disciplined life not a weak emotional feeling lead life. Our
decisions are to be made based on the Word of God not on a
whim of feelings. We communicated to our children as they
were growing up that Jesus wants to reproduce His character
in their life and the devil wants to reproduce his character
in their life. To a Christian who has a relationship with
the Lord, living for Christ and walking with Him is more
important than whether or not he is a good ballplayer.
Folks, I know the influence that peers have on your life in
sports, as I was a former professional baseball pitcher. The
Christian life is a disciplined spiritual life. If you do
not understand this principle, you will fail in the task of
rearing your children to love and serve the Lord. The
culture will rear your child if you allow it to do so and
bring heartbreak to you and your home. So, why do I have to
take this position on a disciplined Christian life? Psalm
51:5 "Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my
mother conceive me." Psalm 58:3 "The wicked are estranged
from the womb: they go astray as soon as they be born,
speaking lies." A child is a sinner at birth. You never have
to teach a child to do wrong. They will do so automatically.
You have to teach them to do right. The will of the child
must be dealt with while it is weak. The child must
understand that he or she cannot live by their lusts alone.
Parents,
discipline is a strong form of love that gives the child
security. The child has to learn self-control. Proverbs
13:24 "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that
loveth him chastenth him betimes." The word here "betimes"
means "early" in his life. Proper discipline of the child
must start early. Babies have a will and they start to
exercise it early. From the time they are babies we must let
the children know they cannot have their own way. The Bible
tells us to discipline early.
Proverbs 19:18
"Chasten thy son while there is hope and let not thy soul
spare for his crying." Did you notice the phrase "while
there is still hope?" There will come a time for the
spiritually ignorant or disobedient parent that there is no
hope.
Proverbs 22:15
"Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child: but the rod
of correction shall drive it from him." In these two verses
there is a prominent word, "rod." My understanding is the
Hebrew word for rod is a branch or a stick or a staff. It is
like the rod of a shepherd. The rod was a symbol of
authority in the hands of a ruler. Basically folks, this
deals with spanking and using an object to spank. On this
Biblical basis, I never used my hand to discipline our
children. I used a paddle as a symbol of authority. Parents
we are to discipline early and the Bible tells us to
discipline consistently and correctly. Obviously, we do not
spank for every infraction. Sometimes there is verbal
correction. Let me give you a very important rule: A child
should never be told more than once. If you are not careful
here the child will develop a pattern with you. How far can
we go before the parent will get this done?
A child must
understand that parental authority is God's authority.
Someone says, "Pastor are you saying I should spank my
child?" They will think I do not love them."
Proverbs 3:12
"for whom the Lord loveth he correcteth: even as a father
the son in whom he delighteth." The proper correction shows
you love your child.
Let me give you
another pattern to look for. As soon as you say, "I am going
to spank you," the child says, "I am sorry." The child is
not sorry he is a con artist! You need to make sure he knows
and understands what is expected of them. Another important
rule is never discipline a child for failure to understand.
Again, here some children can be a con artist in this area.
Something that
is very important is that we should discipline for attitude.
When a child says "no" to you or makes a face etc. proper
discipline is in order. In this battle of the wills you may
have to spank more than once. Remember I said spank not hit,
slap, yell, cuss, pull their hair, get them on the floor and
beat them, chase them around the house with a belt, or
scream at them. God has given us the perfect place to spank.
It has no bones that will break and has been provided by the
Lord for the "rod of correction." Parents who yell and
scream all the time are only building a rebel. The child
will hear you yell and scream and ignore you and when he
grows up he will never listen to a thing you tell him. I
have talked to many parents who have disciplined in this
manner and they firmly believe they are a disciplinarian.
"You know Pastor my kids got it when they back talked me, I
hit them right in the mouth. I yelled and they listened."
Sure they did, right up until the day they got out of your
house. Now they live the way they want which does not
include living for God. You did not train them, you browbeat
them! They longed to get away from you.
Listen
carefully, proper discipline of the child requires not
disciplining in anger. When our children disobeyed, we
calmly went into the bedroom and talked with them about
their disobedience and spanked them on the area God has
provided. We always told our children that we were
displeased with their behavior and God was displeased. We
then told them we loved them and wanted them to grow up to
have good character and to be obedient to the Lord. We also
told them that Jesus loved them and wanted them to have good
character. We always hugged them and made sure they knew we
loved them and the discipline was for their own good. Quite
frankly, we really never had to spank either child after the
fourth grade. We broke their will early. I will talk about
this matter of breaking the will further in the next
message.
I have talked to
many criminals in jail. I always ask them a question, did
your parents spank you when you were growing up?" The answer
is surprising in many instances, but it is something for us
to think about. Almost always, they will answer, " dad or
mom (they usually do not call them that) beat me when I
needed it," or some answer similar. They always seem to have
a smile on their face when they talk about it. Then I ask,
"How did they spank you?" I get something like "he chased me
with the belt or he got me down and whomped me" etc. They
never talk about a Biblical, godly form of discipline. Most
people do not understand what proper discipline is.
Parents I can
hear someone say, "I will never spank my child!" Then you
may be affecting that child's salvation. Proverbs 23:13-14
"Withold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest
him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with
the rod, and deliver his soul from hell." Parents, this is a
will matter. Remember, I said parental authority is God's
authority. If a child will not submit to his parents, he
will never submit to God. When we did spank our children, we
did not allow them to scream, yell, or excessively cry. If
they did, we spanked them until their wills were submissive.
This may take several times. Many people in our culture now
say spanking is child abuse. I agree there are people out
there who do abuse their children. The lie of the devil and
the greatest form of child abuse that has ever been put upon
a society is putting children on drugs for their behavior.
Many public school children are now on drugs for what has
been called Attention Deficit Disorder. I would agree that
there is a great Attention Deficit Disorder in our society
and it is on the part of the parents, not the children. Many
of the children in our society are being put on drugs
because the parents are not home and when they are home,
they are too tired to give the child any attention. The
child is banished to the back of the house, put in front of
a television, or a video game. When discipline is brought
forth it is in the form of yelling, screaming, hitting etc.
The parent does not have the time or the energy to do any
real parenting as God has commanded. Therefore, we put drugs
in our children because we do not have time to deal with
them. This is one of the great sins of our society and many
Christians have bought into it. The sadness is we have
multitudes of children who will grow up never learning to
obey as God has intended them to and they will always have
an excuse for their poor behavior. The culture has given
them a reason to be a rebel and to be disobedient. Their
parents are off the hook because they have a child with a
problem. Do I believe there are children with real mental
problems out there? Yes there are but the percentage is very
few. What we are experiencing now is a society that is
extremely undisciplined and is dependent upon drugs for
behavior rather than the Word of God.
Parent's let me
finish this message with this important thought. I believe
proper discipline of the child is important. I really do not
believe it is as important as the first section we looked
at. Your relationship to God and developing Junior's
relationship to God is your most important task in rearing
spiritual children. Listen carefully, if you have a
spiritual relationship with God you will understand the
importance of proper discipline and will seek God's will in
the matter. Folks, I can tell a lot about a person's
relationship with God by the godly discipline in their life
or the lack of spiritual discipline in their life. I can
tell a lot about the spirituality of a church by looking at
the Pastor's children and family. As a Pastor it is my
responsibility before God to have a godly family, or I can
not teach anyone else what God's word says on the matter. It
is my responsibility to develop in my wife and children a
passion for the Lord. My testimony before God is important
in this matter. This is an area where we can not fool
anyone. The Bible makes it plain it will come back to get us
if we are not obedient to God in this matter. Something I
have learned is this takes hard work. We cannot be lazy and
slothful in this matter of spiritual training, which I
believe is the most important matter; we have outside of our
salvation and our children's salvation.
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